Johnson Ping Machine
by Kevandre
Summary: Hi guys, this is a fanfiction I wrote mainly to troll my roommate who is really into Johnlock. I made her cry and that feels like a success to me. Obviously I don't own Sherlock or anything like that, but this is a one shot. John/Mrs.Hudson/Chip&Pin Machine. I'm considering a prequel. Enjoy, I sure did.


Hi guys, this is a fanfiction I wrote mainly to troll my roommate who is really into Johnlock. I made her cry and that feels like a success to me. Obviously I don't own Sherlock or anything like that, but this is a one shot. I'm considering a prequel. Enjoy, I sure did.

"John, you must go to the store, we've just ran out of anything remotely edible," Sherlock mentioned from the chair the second that John opened the door to the flat at 221B Baker Street.

John sighed, "Didn't I just get some essentials three days ago?"

"Yes, but I had to use them as props to explain to Anderson what a poisoned tater-tot would look like."

"You poisoned Anderson?" John asked incredulously.

"He's fine, just was in anaphylactic shock for a few hours, no matter now it's all in the past. Regardless, you've got to go get more because there is nothing here."

"You're incredible, you know that?"

"Of course."

"It's fine, I believe Mrs. Hudson needed to go herself, I might as well ask if she needs anything," John shut the door he had just opened and went over to Mrs. Hudson's door, knocked three times and was quickly greeted with the face of the weathered & nice looking lady he'd grown so accustomed to.

"Oh hello, John, I was just about to go to the shops for some groceries, did you need something?" Mrs. Hudson asked sweetly.

"I was actually coming over just to see if you needed anything from the store, Mrs. Hudson, I was headed over there myself!"

"I'll join you, then! I need to exercise my old bones and would enjoy the company." She reached over, grabbed her purse, closed and locked the door behind her and started heading out the front door of the building.

As John and Mrs. Hudson walked, they discussed many different subjects, but it kept ending up back at Sherlock.

"John, if it isn't too intrusive to ask, is there something… more? Going on with you and Sherlock, I mean." Mrs. Hudson blushed, one could tell that this was more than she was comfortable asking but the question had been on the tip of her tongue for weeks.

"I'm not gay!" John replied exasperatedly. "People keep asking me that but I've had many girlfriends even since I moved in with Sherlock, I've even gotten it in a couple times!" He was lying about the sex, but Mrs. Hudson didn't need to know that. "I'm into some kinda weird stuff, but nothing with another man…"

"I'm not judging you boys, just curious, do forgive this old woman." It was silent for the remainder of the walk to the shop. John pushed the cart around and they each grabbed what they were looking for and made their way over to pay.

"Let's use the Stop-and-Ping machine, John," Mrs. Hudson said knowingly. "It's faster than that line."

John pondered how in the world Mrs. Hudson thought that the Chip & Pin Machine was called the "Stop-and-Ping Machine" and looked over at his old nemesis. Sighing, John rolled the cart over to the Chip & Pin Machine and started ringing up Mrs. Hudson's items for her. As he moved over a jug of milk to the scanner, he lost his grip and the jug slipped out of his hands, breaking open the top portion and spilling milk all over the glass.

"Oh John, the mess you've made!" Mrs. Hudson cried. She rushed over to the machine, ripped off her top, whipped out her own jugs and started clearing up the milky mess with her tits. John had never seen anything so attractive in his lifetime and his 3.8 inch floppy became a solid 6.5 inch rod. He couldn't contain himself and ripped off his pants, ran forward, lifted Mrs. Hudson's skirt, spit on his cock and slid it in. "Ohhh! John, you've made an old woman VERY happy!" Mrs. Hudson cried.

As John thrusted into the dusty old pussy that hadn't been used in years, he felt a sense of pride, a sense of helping someone who had wanted this for so long as well as helping himself. He figured that Sherlock might call it "cooperative symbiosis."

It wasn't long, however, before John burst directly into Mrs. Hudson's uterus. She repeated, "Oh John, the mess you've made…" And cleared up everything, paid for both her and John's groceries and left before the onlookers could call the police.

They rushed home and didn't speak of it again.

It wasn't just John and Mrs. Hudson who was part of their sexcapade. The Stop & Ping Machine (Which was its real name after all) had real emotions and didn't like just being used. S&P really admired John's willingness to get it right the fuck in immediately when the opportunity presented itself and immediately fell in love. While it was sad it really only got to have any kind of sex with Mrs. Hudson, it still felt lucky.

It unplugged itself and walked over to the flat where John & Sherlock lived. Watching through the window, S&P thought that John was kinda into Sherlock and decided that Sherlock must be taken out of the picture. S&P trudged across town to the salon & got a makeover to look like a man. It called itself Moriarty and started to use its computerized brain to figure out how to outdo Sherlock if it could.

Eventually it figured it had to attack Sherlock's emotions to get rid of him. This led to the standoff atop St. Bartholomew's. Obviously, S&P was able to shoot itself in the head and just explode ketchup out the back of it's head and survive, it was just a machine.

It watched from the ground as Sherlock talked to John and, following a touching soliloquy, jumped to his presumed death.

S&P then changed back to its usual form and went downstairs to a crying John Watson. It comforted the depressed and very confused-about-the-walking-chip-&-pin-machine John and they walked off together.

John and S&P moved in with Mrs. Hudson and forever had their fantastic threesomes until Mrs. Hudson also mysteriously jumped off of the Heisenberg Falls so that S&P could be just with John. They lived together just them until John died of dysentery 38 years later. S&P then committed suicide by way of jumping in the English Channel. And everyone (Peripheral characters mainly) lived happily ever after.


End file.
